Washing dishes on my anniversary

Usually I'm a fairly happy go lucky person ignoring the seriousness of situations around me. When we found out we were having twins, I was not afraid, I was ecstatic. Perhaps I was just too naive to realize the gravity of that situation. At the time I figured two parents, two babies, one for each to hold. When I was on my own with them I still had two hands, one for each securely held little chubby hand. Even breastfeeding did not daunt me, afterall I do have two breasts, one for each tiny baby. While I was pregnant I had a myriad of problems including gestational diabetes, cardiac arrhythmias, a broken ankle, and it ended with being induced for pre-eclampsia and Bell's Palsy. Still, I didn't blink. It was all part of life, part of what makes us who we are, and it got me some pretty cute kids IMHO.

Lately however, many of you may have noticed that I've become a bit sour on life, a bit grumpier, a bit more negative. Amazingly it has nothing to do with my family, or does it? As you all know, our census has been down at work which means we don't need as many nurses which means I have been getting cancelled, A LOT! It also means that I haven't been getting paychecks, or very minimal paychecks for about 2 months now. It's not so much the paycheck I miss as the things I can do for my family with it. Due to this lack of funding, we have had to cancel nearly all extra-curricular activities including vacations which brings me to why I'm washing dishes on my anniversary, and how it's helping to redirect my attitude.

This morning my wonderful hubby let me sleep in. Having cancelled all our anniversary plans this seemed like a good thing to do. I was just moping anyway. Anyhoo, when he woke me up, he said if I would wash the crepe pan, he would go to the store and get some blackberries and make us some crepes. He also mentioned that he was planning to stay off his computer for the day since we should be spending it as a family (because that's what getting married got us.) I figured fair enough, and headed off to wash the crepe pan (which also meant doing a whole load of dishes because I couldn't make my way to the faucet to wash the one pan.) As I stood there washing I had an epiphany. Despite the financial difficulties right now we still have each other, we still have 3 beautiful girls, and we are all fairly healthy. I have a hubby who is making the best of the situation, and trying to make the day nice for both of us. I am also finally going to get his wonderful crepes (he's been promising to make them for me since I met him 16.5 years ago).

Finally, as I stood there washing away and contemplating life, he came home from the store with one of my favorite champagnes (that's a funny story in itself), and a bunch of red roses. He said since we were limited, he was going to get me a small present from everywhere he went today. How sweet is that?

The day is little more than half over, but I'm already smiling about it fondly, and getting ready to meet the coming year with a new found peppy attitude. You over there, yeah, you dark stormy clouds, go away!! You're no longer welcome. The sun is shining, and I'm sure I see a rainbow on the horizon.

Heart of Black

Since I met my hubby approximately 16.5 years ago we have joked about the fact that he's dead inside, has a little black heart, no feelings, etc. I'm telling you right here and now that's not true. He is a sensitive caring tough guy. The reason all this got started was because I never saw him cry, and we were having a conversation about that one day many years ago. Tough guys don't cry, right?

Anyhoo, today we were talking about something totally unrelated, and he says, "Do you want to make me cry?" To which I responded, "Yes, I do." He laughed and muttered something about his shriveled, black heart. Could I leave it at that? Nooooooo. Instead I mentioned that didn't need an entire sensitive muscle, I'd be happy if he could just come up with a sensitive tendon in his body. Again he laughed. Do you see a pattern here?

Sometimes you get a grounder, other times it's a grand slam.

Being a parent isn't easy. No one ever said it would be. It is one of the most challenging, and sometimes unrewarding things you can do, and you never quite know if you're doing it right. Most of us strive to help our children grow into the adults we wish we were the best adults they can be.

Why am I waxing poetic on this? Because yesterday I felt like I hit a grand slam. Not a grounder, not a base hit, not even a homerun, but a bonified grand slam. Most of you know that things have been tight here, and I've been losing hours at work. Recently this means that we're cutting back on some of the "necessities" of life like vacations, summer camps for the kids, science classes, and art classes. We've also been scrimping to find money to pay utility bills, rent, and for car repairs. Amazingly, none of my kids have complained about all this, though Sam and Riley have been packing their bags for Disneyland for over a week now. I've been trying to explain to them that we are not going, but I don't think they quite get it. They offered to give me the money from their coin banks to pay for the trip. So sweet, but I'm digressing. Back to the topic at hand.

Yesterday, on Facebook, my oldest posted a message saying she was doing something nice for her Mommy. In my mind I thought this meant she was going to dye her hair back to a uniform color, she got some shirts that covered a bit more of her skin, or that she was bringing me something simple like a piece of dark chocolate. Boy was I surprised when I found out what she had done. She had taken our car in to the shop on her time, and with her own money, and had the brakes repaired. I know she probably wanted a bigger response than what she got when she arrived home, but I didn't want to get all sappy and cry on her, so I thought I'd write it here instead. This was a fabulous thing for her to do, and really makes me feel like some of my parenting might be paying off. Or could it just be that she got here on her own? Either way, I'm very proud, pleased, and happy with her, and not just because I have brakes again, but because of the wonderfulness of her kind act and her thoughtfulness for another person. Thank you sweetie. I love you.